A warning to all ye throughout the domain of Venice


- The Wrath of Sir Robert G. -

It was on the second day of the celebration of the summer solstice that we peasants and craftspeople gathered at the place that we in the shire of Venice call the Circle.


We went there with hope in our hearts for the new season of summer that was upon us. As is our way, we set up banners wishing for peace in the land, and in all lands. Many of those passing bye hailed us and told us they also hoped for peace this day.

When we arrived at the circle meadow, we saw the black thing that our neighbors had said was there. They say it was raised up by the LORD OF OUR LAND, Sir Robert G. As we gathered to look at it, one who was with us - an herb farmer by trade - said it was a giant woman who had committed some great and grave sin.

Ned, the butcher, agreed that this was so. But Sir Robert has not told us, nor anyone we know, what the purpose of the thing is (is there to be war with Nubia? are we to gather there on Saint Angelica's Day?) As is his RIGHT as LORD and friend of the great Barons of Los Angeles to keep his own counsel, and not share his aims with we peasants.

As we were celebrating the day and wishing peace on all, we saw that Sir Robert, himself, had sallied forth from his castle with a band of retainers. We were joyful that the LORD himself would join us in raising a banner to peace. Woe unto us when he arrived in a foul mood. He demanded that we take down the peace signs that had been carefully handcrafted by our artisans and had been carefully affixed to the great breasts and buttocks of the thing. We were all too dumbstruck to move an inch, let alone go up on that fearsome black thing. Sir Robert, seeing this, made one of his men do the deed.

And lo, even before this, he took our imitation of his black thing that we had labored hard on so as to make a tribute, and he flung it into the meadow. At this, a great wail and moaning went up from all of the men who had come there for peace. We feared that Sir Robert would rend our heads and arms and legs, and string us up with the black thing to make us an example. But fortune smiled upon us that day as our womenfolk stood unbowed, and told Sir Robert that he should be ashamed of his self as we had done no harm to his thing, nor did we intend any harm.

But Sir Robert was still furious and said how he would like us all beaten up!!! Again, fortunately for us, the Lord High Sheriff was not present to do Sir Robert's bidding.

To all ye who are reading or having this waring read out to you, BEWARE. Whatever that black thing in the Circle is, it is precious to Sir Robert. All we who are serfs in Sir Robert's land must make sure that nothing befalls that thing or it will go hard for us. There were those among us who said they did not believe Sir Robert would be displeased if we beautified the thing by hanging garlands and gaily colored costumes on it. Of these things I do not know.

I, James the Smith, a freeholder on Sir Robert's lands in the village of Rialto, have inscribed this missive on the third day of the Summer Solstice celebration in the year of our LORD Two Thousand and Seven.

Posted: Sun - July 1, 2007 at 12:32 PM          

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