Why Jesus Would Not Be A Good Candidate
By Lynne
Bronstein
The post-election spin is on.
The pundits are suggesting that the Democrats had better look to the heartland
for the answers. The people have spoken, so we are told, and the people of
heartland America are people of faith and of moral values. Democrats are out of
touch with the religious fervor of Middle America.
With this in mind, some Democrats are
contemplating going the evangelicals one better. If they’re so into Jesus,
if they want Jesus to be part of the government, why not run Jesus as the next
Democratic candidate for President?
It
would seem like a logical idea but there are a few
caveats:
Jesus has long hair and a
beard. He would have to cut his hair and shave in order to appeal to voters who
like clean-cut candidates. There’s no much of a chance that Jesus, with
his present style, might be mistaken for a homeless
person.
Then there’s his
background. He was born in a stable. That’s kind of disgusting. It is said
that when he was conceived, his mother was not married. Yeah, she later married
some guy named Joseph but he admits to not being Jesus’s dad.
There’s something not right about that
family.
He has been seen wearing a
dress. What is he -some sort of metrosexual? Would he support gay
marriage?
He was in fact, seen in a garden
where another man kissed him. And he usually hangs out with twelve other men.
Too much man-love going on there.
He
has advocated “turning the other cheek” in response to violence.
What kind of a message would this send to our enemies? Sure, turn the other
cheek when they bomb our cities.
He
defended a woman from a stone-throwing mob even though she was guilty of immoral
sexual behavior. This implies that he would favor a woman’s right to
choose.
He gave food to a large
crowd-for free. What is he, some kind of welfare advocate? You’re supposed
to work for your supper!
He expelled a
group of hard-working moneylenders from a temple-is that the way to stimulate
business?
There is a report that he raised a
man from the dead. What kind of weird quack medicine was he practicing? Was his
cure the result of stem cell research? Or was it from drugs brought in illegally
from Mexico or Canada? Is he merely giving away his medical services and passing
them off as some kind of “health insurance” for the
poor?
He has four wounds that he claims
resulted from something called a crucifixion. But these wounds are mere nail
holes. That’s hardly comparable to the critical war injuries as well as
deaths sustained by many of our true patriotic veterans. Besides, he says
he’s been resurrected. So he didn’t even die for our
country.
Oh and one more thing. He’s
Jewish.
Sorry Democrats. If you run
Jesus in 2008, you’re going to boot another
one.
Posted: Mon - November 1, 2004 at 04:39 PM